Well i am home with a kidney infecion- I am falling apart. It has been a rough couple of weeks. I dont' know why I have never been good enough for my mom. I know in my head that it is not about me- it is about the family dynamics and yada yada. My heart does not see that though. My heart is hurt and sad for the rejection, yet again, and the verbal abuse that my son and I went through. I am so thankful for a heavenly father who loves me without condition or criteria.

stuf

I have not blogged in a while been to busy playing farmville on FB.

Jordan and Catherine sent a newletter. I have to say that it blessed my heart as well as the others I sent it to.

He is seeing God in a different way while in Romania. He is remaking himself so to speak.

Everything is the same here. We are trying to get business going and that is stressful.

I go back to work in a few weeks. Daniel leaves in a couple of weeks for Asbury.

children

As a mom the last almost 21 years have been focused on my sons. Praying for them, trying to train them to be men of God, and staying after them to clean up- do their homework- etc.

Now Jordan is Romania and Daniel will leave in a few weeks to college in Ky. I have discovered it is not ending. Now my prayers and concerns are that they will first love God and serve him, that they will find a carrier that they enjoy, and that they meet and marry women of God.

Being a mom is a life long job and journey. I would not trade it for anythin

scripture

God has been so faithful to provide me scripture to hold on to through this time. I have come to a place where the scriptures are not just words, they are real. I can truly pray blessing, joy and peace on them. It has been difficult when we are struggling with specific trials. With God all things are possible. Teresa the sister of my heart sent me the following scripture. God had put it on her heart to pray this and when I told her about the above she sent this to me. My prayer would be for Howard family member to see the error of his way and repents and turns to God. We will not ask for the money back,(Luke 6:28-30, 28 bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. 29 To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back.) just that he would not take more of what does not belong to him. Deuteronomy 28:1-13 Blessings on Obedience 1 “Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the LORD your God will set you high above all nations of the earth. 2 And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God:3 “Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country. 4 “Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks. 5 “Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. 6 “Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out. 7 “The LORD will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before your face; they shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways. 8 “The LORD will command the blessing on you in your storehouses and in all to which you set your hand, and He will bless you in the land which the LORD your God is giving you. 9 “The LORD will establish you as a holy people to Himself, just as He has sworn to you, if you keep the commandments of the LORD your God and walk in His ways. 10 Then all peoples of the earth shall see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they shall be afraid of you. 11 And the LORD will grant you plenty of goods, in the fruit of your body, in the increase of your livestock, and in the produce of your ground, in the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers to give you. 12 The LORD will open to you His good treasure, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season, and to bless all the work of your hand. You shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow. 13 And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and are careful to observe them. 14 So you shall not turn aside from any of the words which I command you this day, to the right or the left, to go after other gods to serve them.

rambling

I have been thinking. Life is strange. Our hope is that it has meaning. There are things that we can try to make it mean something. No matter what we strive for outside of God it has no value or meaning. Faith and hope in Jesus is the only way that we can know that our life means anything. Struggles are a part of the world that we live in. How we handle those struggles is what defines us as believers. Do we trust God to bring us through? Do we believe that God is in control and that he will see us through?

Family is everything. I am so thankful for each family member shown here.

They are gifts from God.

Daniel

My sweet Daniel. I am so proud of the man of God that he is becomming. He has a sweet spirit and desires to serve God. He is strong in his faith and is unwilling to compromise on what he believes. He is smart, muscially talented and has persistance in anything he attempts.